This is a place where I share my art and thoughts of the day!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Getting vulnerable with my blog friends...

 This was a difficult week for me as I had applied to the NHAA(New Hampshire Art Association) and they rejected my work. Coarse it feels more like they rejected me. Funny how to us artists it does feel that way like our art is us. In a way it is because we pour our heart , souls, and spirits into what we produce.
  I was so excited I drove all the way up to Portsmouth paid my check of 25.00 dollars of nonrefundable application money, looked around the gallery at the current artists and those also hoping to be jurried on board. I was thinking many of the artists there were not as good as some of my works and others were more advanced. Being somewhat in the middle I was confident I would be jurried into the Association. I was even straight across from my cousin Richard Lord who is a phenomenal photographer already in the Association. Coarse he was on a shelf with lights and I was stuffed into a dark corner.
  I brought four large works that were to be similar in size ,medium and presented just as they asked. My canvases were wrapped and the edges were painted, the canvases sealed and ready for hanging. My hips aren't the greatest so driving an hour and a half two ways, two days in a row took a lot out of me. Old lady I have become.
  I thought they were going to send me a nice happy acceptance letter stating I was jurried in but instead for 25.00 I got an email of rejection. Very disheartening indeed. Scoring was 1-5, 5 being the highest and they gave me straight twos. I cried for a few hours and felt someone had kicked me in the chest. They said my work was whimsical but that I needed to study the masters and get a teacher. Boy I thought that was really hard to hear, and didn't make too much sense to me since I have a BFA, and am constantly studying not only great current artists but the masters as well. Taking classes constantly as well as teaching others, and not too bad at that either.
  I am making myself very vulnerable here, knowing you could all judge me and say my art isn't good enough. Maybe think it's not valuable enough to like, love or even purchase because of this drawback. hehehe get it drawback! The reason is because it's a part of my process as an artist and I wanted you all to be with me on my journey. The life of an artist is not always easy, it never has been not for most artists that is, we struggle and face rejection constantly.
      Here I am feeling better as the days pass yet not quite completely healed either, wondering where God wants me to take my art. I know He gave me talent and a passion and it's exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life, I have always known that.
   Yesterday I got a check in the mail from a small work I sold at one of my recent shows. That was encouraging, a larger sale would of really helped even more for my art esteem though!!! LOL I laugh because I think laughter is really good medicine. Truly though it's not funny it's hard, but I have courage. Together we can all take steps forward and succeed. Although I did not get excepted, my goal was to try therefore I succeeded. I am a success. My goal is to create more art and become more successful, to give others joy through what I create. Encourage others, show my children how to be creative in the face of rejection as part of the process. That crying is good sometimes, and even though not everyone is going to like us or our work- we still belong.
  So I started out with indignant anger, I wanted to phone those people and give them the what for but I ate some chocolate and allowed myself a day of grief and wisely decided against that phone call. Now I am going to study the masters even more, I have a million teachers at my fingertips who I will seek plenty of advice from once again this year. Not sure if I will ever go back to this group as I am still hurt, feel like I wasted my money on them because thier critique in my opinion was not correct. I heard them though, and I learned lessons. The  BIG lesson I learned is that no matter what they say- I am still great, my fans still love me, my kids are behind me, my husband is more supportive then ever, and my dad even took me out to lunch.
  I am hoping this letter of vulnerability will help someone else out there going through similiar struggles with there life weather as an artist or just a human being, Rejection is a part of this life, but to be in life we must keep on trying. Eventually they will see our greatness and feel our passion, in the meantime I will continue to create.
  I really need my friends support right now so comments are very important to me please leave a statement or two about what you think of this or even your own struggle. Hugs, Sanna

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