This is a place where I share my art and thoughts of the day!

Friday, March 30, 2012

My latest canvas! It's a biggy!

Here's my painting titled "Alien to Her Own!" I made this painting because I have always felt as though I don't fit in anywhere. It's true I don't, that used to make me cry and feel so sorry for myself, but these days I have decided to use this fact to make my art better. I also want to use my art to make statements for the mentally ill. When I was young I was horribly bullied the bullies were scary horrible beasts but worse were those who could have helped me but simply became onlookers. My own father would and still does tell me how if everyone is picking on me I must be doing something wrong and I need to look in the mirror and see what needs to change.

Well I been looking in my mirror for years and like all healthy people I can see things I need to change to be my best self, but no one deserves to be bullied. I was beaten chased, raped, tortured day in and day out from age ... well young to even sometimes now.

The truth is I am different, I am very friendly, outgoing but not aggressive, kind hearted, very sensitive, sometimes I ask too many questions and laugh too loud, sometimes I even yell, but that takes alot these days. I used to cry at the drop of a pin but not anymore, my antidepressant works well for that, I hardly ever cry anymore. Sometime as weird as it may seem I even miss my tears, but not much. I am glad to be a happy person, I am glad to be different , and I am very glad to be me. Thing is I always liked being me but I used to wish other people liked me being me. Now it really doesn't matter so much if other people don't like or approve of who I am or who I'm not, see the thing is God made us all different and for a reason. I still am not sure what makes me so different but I know I am.

 Being different makes me compassionate, empathetic and kind. Sometimes lonely but  not really, since I have three children, 4 cats, a dog and a husband of 23 yrs, I have little time to be lonely. Plus I have all my online art friends and there are thousand of you lovelies, I am so grateful for you all family included.
 Truth is I don't fit in at church because I am such an independent artistic thinker not like all the other quiet souls. I don't fit in with drug addicts because I am sober. I don't fit in with skinny people well because I am not skinny:)! I don't fit in with wealthy people because I am not wealthy, nor poor because I am not poor. I am disabled so those with jobs tend to judge me and although I am a veteran I sure don't fit in with most Vets. I am not a war hero, I am a rape victim. No purple hearts for me for being raped by one of my own, only someone there to tell me I am too damaged to work, and it's true I am.
  I am not too damaged to be an great artist, a mom, a good friend, a good neighbor, a good daughter , a good sister, a good cousin,a cheerful giver,a gardener, a cook, a responsible citizen, a prayer warrior,a steward of what God has given to me, a songster, an adventurist, a traveller, a generous soul, a lover of small creatures, a seeker of wisdom, an open heart, a lover of God! 
 No matter who you are, no matter how odd, or damaged, or sad, no matter how abused or hurt you have been know you too are not too damaged to be wise and love God. He can show you why you are here because every single one of us has a magnificent purpose, even a talent we need to discover. I feel so wonderful having a passion I get to explore, grow,and share... my art! I only hope that through what I share others may also find some comfort in who they are and whatever it is they are going through or have had to face. Jesus loves you my friends all of you!!!!
 Here is a picture of my original piece of small art with the larger 24x38" painting. Atc's are great for inspiration.  Artist Trading Cards have opened many a door and window for me and my art.

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